Cut My Heart Out…Please!

They don’t call it “heartbreak” for nothing. It’s not really about love or loving or falling in love with too many, too often. What hurts is the realization that I am giving up on everything. I was so wrong for believing what I do best would change a thing or my ideas about life are selling. I tried to change something or someone that was doomed from the beginning. Could I ever trust myself again? Could I still trust people, or will I forever wonder and wait for the world to end?
My heart really hurts. Sometimes a sharp pain like a knife, sometimes a dull pressure like someone was stepping on my chest, squeezing out all my breath. I needed to do something. Since I had no control over my tedious life, I felt that I needed to create a permanent reminder of the situation, leave the pain there and move on.
Inside my heart, I am heavily scarred, many of these scars are little reminders of heartbreaks past...no names or anything, but I know who they all remind me of. I needed to give up on everything so I could start living a different life I had not consciously experienced before. Perhaps I need to experience a new but same old kind of pain and mark to remember that specific realization. Cutting my heart into pieces seemed to be the correct medium...the symbolism, the bleeding...and I knew it wouldn’t stop. I will forever bleed. People might not notice this; I have mastered the art of covering up into perfection.
The decision was an obvious choice. What else but give up on everything and choose myself over anything else. Actually, I wanted it remembered by every person who made me lose grip, to let go rather than holding on. I want them to experience the same pain I am going through now so they would understand what it feels like to be betrayed, denied, used and lied to. Pain equaled with pain, heart to heart, because that was where the pain was. Though I have some beautiful scars from people who made me stronger for breaking my heart, I’ll hide them temporarily until I recover from this emotional pain. I am sure at one thing – I will get over this on my own, no more tears, no worries, and no sacrifices.
Cut my heart out please but leave one piece to me – I’ll endure the pain and survive with a more beautiful one someday.