Friday, May 8, 2009

If We Meet Again, Be Brave, Be Brave...


Why does drama seem to follow me? I wasn't looking for the drama, only a true friend.
It’s 2:30Am and I have yet to sleep. Stumbling through ghostly conscience haunting my being as a person, a son, and a friend – what do these mean to me until I have a hard time knowning the difference anymore.
It becomes increasingly difficult for me to let go. When asked about my biggest regret so far, my typical answer is that I should have let go, and not hold on. When I should have ducked and ran for cover, I instead would stay, clinging to whatever was shooting. By whatever, I mean whoever, naturally.
But it’s been long enough that now those moments are less severe, for me anyway. The above answer seems innocent. I believe that time has evolved that innocence. I believe I have lived long enough, seen enough, encountered enough, done enough that now I can firmly say my biggest regret is my actions. Which, well, is a downer.
It will break my heart, I know but I am more than geared up for this. Or maybe I am just making it easier for me to lose a friend. Losing a friend could mean death to me – forever melancholy. I did expect there to be a sincere friendship. Now, I wonder how he could not believe in a friendship built from a shared experience? I’ve said before that forgiveness comes from those who still hope even though they’ve been disappointed, and to those who still believe even though they’ve been betrayed. I wish to take the command of forgiveness to your heart but you find yourself crippled by this past hurts. You feel “wounded” and believe that before you will be able to forgive me you first need to go through a period of recovery. I hope you don’t become preoccupied with injury caused by the emotional pain I gave you. I pray that you don’t hold onto bitterness so it would only take a little time to recover from your emotional hurt which would also mean taking a little time to forgive.
I am so sorry.

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