Fool Again

OOL AGAIN
I never knew I am once again becoming too melancholic about the things happening around me until I bumped into a thought of singing Westlife’s FOOL AGAIN. I know I am okay and things just happen for a reason but suddenly I feel like singing it, I got the notion of downloading its lyrics and perhaps ask the computer man at a nearby internet café to burn a CD for me, why…
Cause I am. Fool again.
Fool me.
Lately I have been so busy with my life, because I chose to be one. I can get as busy as I want because I do it purposely, I don’t want to see things in a different way. I still try to live my life the way it was before though things have already changed. I avoided truth but truth has constantly reminded me that things are different now. I know I have to deal with melancholy; it started to get into my nerves already. It affects me that am for sure, in the same way it affects people around but I never did. I never knew how, how I was to know? I am fool again. Fool me.
I can’t believe that I am a fool again…the song says. Three days ago I told a class that happiness is a choice. We can always choose to be happy. Choosing to be one does not necessarily mean that we have to forget all the things that made us felt so bad. Choosing to be happy is putting your life into its right perspective so as to find solutions to our problems. Now I feel like there is nothing true with the things I taught them. Why it is so hard to teach yourself the things you teach to other people? Why it so hard to be happy?
I let myself believe that I am happy, but in doing so, I started to live in a world of lies. I tried to find the truth, just like finding light when it is dark, finding my way when I am lost, trying to hold on tight when I lost grip, hoping when I am dreaming and I found out at the end I am a fool again.
Now I know I am morbid. But I won’t let morbidity eat me up alive. Like a child running, stumbled and fell down, crying in pain, a mother comes to comfort, I will find ways to ease the pain. Yesterday I bade goodbye to a friend who died. Two days ago I freed myself from the feelings that locked me up for a long time in sadness. Today I claim for freedom. Fool I may be but its just one way of making me understand everyone and myself.
Guess what I am going to do tonight? I will listen to “I Grieve” by Peter Gabriel. …I still love what’s gone….
Fool again. Fool me.