Life after Death

What is Life after Death? Is there such? No one knows what awaits us after we die, no one has been able to die and go back and tell us a story of life after death. We usually hear and see from local talk shows interviews of people who had near death experiences, they all sounded interesting and realistic, but they were not enough for us to know what LIFE is after DEATH. Of course the Holy Bible promises us heaven if you have been good and you lived your life in a very Christian way, you go to Hell and burn your soul in opposite...but we will never know what is they usually say "The Life after Death", it remained still a mystery. Mysterious enough for us to believe that there is one who is responsible for all of these that continue inspires us to believe that there is life after death, we would not know what kind of life it is, where it is and how are we going to live this life, but we believe because of our Christian faith....it's becauLet me define Life after Death.

I had 19 days of happiness, sorrow, pain and true LOVE. I never thought in my whole life that it would be possible to commit myself to one person who accepted and loved me by overlooking who and what I am. He was a young man at eighteen, typical half Filipino, half Chinese from a neighboring town. When he came things changed, I never felt so happy, thrilled and fulfilled before until he became a part of me. He lied to me during the first two days of my 19 days, he told me he is going to visit an Aunt suffering from a complication of the heart, of course, it would not matter to me, it will never make a difference if he is in Pagbilao or in Manila so long as we have our communication since we started through text messages, this is what i have thought then. Wednesday, Dec. 7, the third day of my 19 days, he asked me what I am going to do if he told me it was not his Aunt who suffers from such ailment, it was him, instead. I didn't buy the question, i never answered directly, it frightened me. I had textmates before, but he was different, very different, i felt the sincerity in him, every word he sent me I would always believe so when he explained i started gathering my thoughts to answer back when he asked me the same question. According to him he needed an operation, his condition is very serious he always comes in and out of a hospital. Although I am afraid I told him it's OK, I would never leave him, I added. I believed he would survive as he promised he would always care for his condition and continue fighting until the operation is done. He was so happy then...very happy that things went all right for us. Days passed, we had fights of course, but we would always find ways to patch things up, i was so glad we are taking one another seriously. One night, after another argument, he told me he feels he is going to die, he described how does he feel during that night, it breaks my heart, I never knew what is real that time but i chose to believe, I prayed so hard that he would survived. I cried so much, i never felt such fear before...fear of losing someone you love. he told me he doesn't want to sleep, because when he does he thinks he would never wake up again, it made me cry even more, it was 2 am already, i told him not to give up, to pray, to hold on, to catch the attention of his sister, who during that time was sleeping away from him. He told me he couldn't, he feels so numb...he can't move his arms, his body...he really doesn't want to sleep but his eyes feel like closing already...i didn't receive his reply anymore, I cried so hard...i cried a river. I wasn't able to sleep, when the morn broke i dialled his number, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6...attempts nobody answers the phone. I was so afraid, until his sister answered. She told me he is sleeping, but his condition is now worse than before. I felt relaxed, but still afraid. He had a good team of doctors, I was so happy when he told me he now has his schedule for his operation. Things went so right again for Him and I, we just waited for Jan 08 to come so that after his operation we would see each other, we have so many plans, beautiful plans, plans that will never be realized anymore.

I have been careful always so that I would not affect his condition, I love him so much, but another fight came, this time I almost give up, I started thinking that everything is a lie, he explained, i blamed, he explained harder, i pushed him. I told him that i would believe everything he said if he would see me that day(dec. 22). He got so affected by my words that he felt so bad, he told me that all the while I never believed him. I remembered his condition so I explained, he blamed, i explained harder, he never listened until he said goodbye again, he said, he always feel he would never live longer anymore, i felt bad. He told me he bacame so happy when I came, that I was his source of his strength, that he was fighting for me although he suffers a lot. I knew he had suffered so much pain, pain coming from shots of needles, he once told me that he has been electrocuted by the electric medical machine we usually see in television and movies when one is dieing, they all broke my heart. I caused him more pain for not believing in what he said. He didn't answer anymore again. I went home and I was so positive that the next time he texts me things would be fine. He didn't text, so I did, I told him I am going to text him a little later that night, I knew he would not be able to answer because ha ran out of load, i knew that time this unlimited promo that he was enrolled with expired already. I planned to send him load, but i never did, i changed my mind and i texted him instead. I told him that I am going to text him the next day. I told him that i love him, i really do I swear to God. I have no idea that during those times, he was arguing with his older brother who became a father to them already since they parents separated. He asked permission if I could visit him and see him on Christmas Day. Jojo, his brother did not allow the idea, this broke his heart, he pulled his oxygen mask off from his mouth so he could speak, he only writes what he has to say. This caused him to breathe hard, doctors came immeadiately and were able to put back the mask to his mouth but it was too late already. He was slowly dieing, I was able to know all of these because of his cousin who then arrived and witnessed everything, she was the one also who gave His letter and picture he prepared before he died 3 in the morning of december 23. The next day, Danica, his sister, informed me that he died, i never believed her, who would want to believe anyway? I called her, we talked and i found out it was true, I cried so much, He died because of me, I blamed myself, i regret the time that I should be talking to him that night before he died. I remembered, it was because I demanded him to see me, that is why he fought for me from his brother. I didn't know what to do, they didn't allow me to go there and see him. Jojo blamed himself too, he hated me beacuse he lost his brother. He told me in his letter that he really loved me, that he chose not to said goodbye that night before he died because it only breaks his heart to know that he is going to leave me, instead he wrote a letter for me. The letter told me that he would not really leave me, he will always stay beside me and never let other people hurt me. His words tore my heart apart...i cried a river again. He is now gone and I cannot do something here, they didn't allow me to see him until the last time he was burried today. I did my best, i begged so much, his sisters can't do something also, they told me they can't talk to Jojo. I talked to a real friend, he told me to let go and move on. He explained that God had a reason that he made us meet and make one another happy, that God has better plans for us. He told me that I was so lucky i have met him, very lucky that i was able to loved him and he was able to loved me. I should not stop loving, although the world does not uphold that kind of love we had that is why it ended, he added. He also told me that something good will come out after the experience, i just have to wait. I am eager to know what is it, is it the new friendship that is about to grow between me and his brother, Jojo? God is so good, he allowed me to talked to Jojo which i really wished. I need to say sorry for what happened, i asked forgiveness, he forgives me just this afternoon, he told me he loves his brother so much that he can always find way to forgive me. I thanked God for allowing this to happen. I knew he would be very happy to know that we are now okey. I told Jojo that I really wanted to visit his tomb, he said he would think about it. I knew that in God's time he would let me. It is important for me to visit him, I would tell him that I really love him, that i would never forget him. To you MARK KEN TAN who loved me so much and and so true, thank you very much i will never forget you, never in a single moment of my life, thank you for the memories. Forgive me I can't do more things to you, but i really loved you. Wherever you are, i knew you are happy now.
I remember a line from one beautiful Filipino essay, "cut a branch of a tree, and you will see the marks that bolo has left on the branch, but time will come that new branch will spring that will give new blossoms, new flowers and new fragrance. I considered myself a branch, wounded. Time will heal all wounds, it would leave marks and scratches but in my heart, will spring new hope, new life new beginning. Life after Death for me is ourlives themselves, we continue living to inspire, to care, to give hope and to love. We should never stop living after a death of a beloved one instead we should move on and let all the memories be our weapon to survive all the circumstances that life will give us. Life is a gift, so precious, so important. Let us live our lives to the fullest.

Today i let go of the past, of the pain, the sorrow and the suffering but I will hold onto Ken's memories, I will move on 'till i love again. This is my Life after his death.
Be with me always, Mark Ken.