Life after Death

It has been more than a year already when I wrote Life after Death. I planned to write again about it before 2006 ends but I didn't have it published in my blog not because I didn't have time to do it but probably because there is something that will inspire me more in doing this. It was Wednesday morning when I first saw its commercial on a television, and to be honest, it certainly caught my attention, though I was very busy then. Was I surprised that Joross Gamboa is playing a gay role? Or I was just reminded by it of my own beautiful story? A story that ended bitterly-sweet. Just like Karen and Jordan's story has ended. People who sympathized the story might get into trouble in search for answers to these questions. Why did their love end that way? Why love isn't fair? Does love recognize sexuality and freedom? I stopped and tried to figure it out and I found the answers from the bottom of my heart.
Such love has to end though it is genuine or real simply because the world does not uphold the kind of love they had for each other. Though love does not recognize sexuality, that it caters to all kinds of people and that it depends on how love is given and perceived by the people who by any chance got into the bond of love; it must still come in a a way that it follows norms in the society depriving its freedom. I think love is either fair or unfair. Everybody hurts because of love. Once it's gone we want to stop living, we think it's the end of our dream love story. We wish we have never fallen in love if we will just be losing someone and we'll cry in the end. But what makes love fair? Love recognizes fairness and equality, that it continues to be always there waiting to be discovered. There is a right time for everything. We will find our match at the right time and at the right place.

One question still remains in my mind. Do I envy Karen? - I don't and never will I. It's been a year after Ken's death and how am I now? None of us is promised any easy magic ways to ease our pains and heartaches, and often it seems we must find our way alone through our brokenness. It was a roller coaster ride, the ups and downs of my emotions. It seemed I always have some kind of cross to bear and the weight of it cannot be shared. But I just wanted people to know that I was able to stand for love and helped myself forget the past. I dried my tears and I have made life easier for me as much as I could. Just the thought of having him for such a short period of time, thinking of him, praying for him and trusting to myself that all the things that's happened. I am sure there is my life after his death. I went back to life, eventually and surely, there will be light where there was darkness. I won't despair. I will get better and better everyday. I know I'm going through some changes now, like everything changes, so it is just a matter of time until this brokenness will be over and I will draw strength from the knowledge that even life has had a test on me, I survived, I carried on, and I will still live my life like I have never lived before.